The Power of Your Mind

My whole reason for starting this blog was so I could capture all the emotions and experiences of my pregnancy. The good, the bad and the ugly...I want to remember it all. So here goes.

The first week (which was actually week 4) was so exciting...finding out we were pregnant, telling Drew, sharing the news with our families. Then I started panicking. Week 5 was pretty emotional for me.

You have to remember, I was just coming off a whole year of constant monitoring. I went through several months where I was getting ultrasounds every 3rd day. Now, here I was pregnant, and I had no proof. No ultasound, no morning sickness, no nothing. In fact, I felt great! Pregnant people don't feel great! I starting having doubts - could I really be pregnant? What if I do something wrong? What if my body won't carry this baby? Can I do harm in my yoga class? Maybe I shouldn't be traveling to Denver this week...what if the flight causes problems or the altitude is dangerous? I was even scared of buying a pregnancy book. What if that jixed everything? I realize that these are probably emotions all first-time mom's feel. I also know that most miscarriages occur because of chromosomal abnormalities - something completely out of your control. But it didn't change the fact that I was terrified. And the fact that getting pregnant at all is such a battle for us certainly didn't help. Afterall, it's not like I can just wait until next month and try again!

Well, I did buy a book - What to Expect When You're Expecting. I also picked up The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy. While there are a lot of things I don't like about What to Expect, it did give me one great piece of advice: A Happy Mommy = A Happy Baby. It was a lightbulb moment for me. I've been down the road of panic attacks and I believe in the power of your mind. Obviously, if I am worrying myself to death about all of the "what if's" in the world, that stress is going to be felt by the baby. Stress is not good. So I sucked it up, got on the airplane and went to Denver to visit my family.

Spending time with my family was lightbulb moment #2 - more specifically, spending time with my mom. I was telling her that I really wanted to buy a pregnancy journal to chronicle this time in my life but that I was too scared to let my emotions go there. I was trying to remain "disconnected", (as if that's possible) in order to protect myself should, God forbid, something bad happen. She reminded me that regardless of the outcome, everything I am experiencing right now is a moment in my life - and those moments are worth capturing. It would be a shame to let 12 weeks go by without allowing myself to "feel" anything just because I was scared.

Moms are so right.

So I changed my attitude. As I said earlier, I believe in the power of your mind. So my mind is going to think about nothing but happy thoughts! I'm going to WILL this baby to be safe, and healthy all the way to 9 months. The next day, Mom & I wandered around Babies R Us. And she bought me a pregnancy journal. And it turned out to be a wonderful and relaxing weekend.

I'm not naive enough to think I won't have moments of pure terror and worry throughout this pregnancy. And I am happy for every day that gets me closer to the 2nd trimester - which for some reason just feels like a safer place to be. But I'm also staying positive and I believe that we will have our happy ending.

Because I believe in the power of your mind.