How Monkeys Got My Kid To Sleep In His Own Bed

Ahhh, bedtime.  It's been an ongoing struggle with Jackson since, well, birth.  And an issue that has been well documented on the Elser 411.  It seems like we've tried everything. 

Most recently, his routine has been to sleep in his beloved spider man sleeping bag on his bedroom floor, which has gradually become the hallway outside his bedroom door.  We let it go.  After all, he was going to bed on his own and staying asleep all night.  That's a win, right?  But then Drew headed to Colorado and I allowed Jack to sleep with me (for my sake as much as his if I've being honest).  Fearing I was traveling down a path that would be awfully hard to undo I was determined to nip this thing in the bud once and for all.

So I turned to google.

In my research, I read about a token method.  It's much like the more traditional sticker chart, but there are some key differences that I loved.  With the token method, your child can earn tokens for a variety of tasks or behaviors - some of which are worth more tokens than others.  This allows for more opportunity for the child to earn tokens and more opportunity for you to use positive reinforcement.  For example, Jack earns 3 tokens for sleeping in his own bed all night long.  If he leaves his room at any point in the night, rather just denying him his three tokens I can offer him one token for returning to bed promptly without arguing.  It immediately turns a negative situation into a positive one.  The best part is that the power of the tokens lies with the child.  They can be cashed in at any time for some agreed upon rewards.  Rewards such as staying up 15 minutes later, additional TV or iPad time, extra stories at bedtime, a special dessert and on rare and extreme cases a small toy or trinket.  Of course, you tailor the rewards to things that are important to your child and assign values based on the size of the reward.

Jack and I discussed this new method for several days (I wanted to be sure he had a clear understanding of the rules and expectations) and then scheduled a special trip to Target to buy supplies.  In our case it was a silver bucket that Jack decorated with transformer stickers from the Dollar Spot (all picked out by him).

I intended on buying poker chips to use as tokens but in the end we decided on a Barrel of Monkeys (Jack chose blue).  Mostly because they were cheap and readily available, but also because they're cute, fun and appropriate for Jack since I've lovingly called him "Monkey" since birth.

Long story short, we are now 10 days into our token method and Jackson has slept in his own bed all night long every single night.  That's not to say we haven't had some more challenging nights than others, but the end result has been the same.  He absolutely treasures those monkeys.  He also doesn't hesitate to cash them in.  In fact, his most requested reward is extra stories at bedtime.  So much better than bribing him with sweet treats or unnecessary toys!

While this whole project started with bedtime in mind, the added benefit is that is has provided me another way to reward Jack for his help around the house.  With Drew gone, Jack is the primary dog feeder and is a great helper in taking out the trash.  He also has his own chores (make his bed, rinse out his sink after he brushes his teeth, pick up after himself, etc.) as we work together to keep the house clean and show-ready while it is on the market.  I'm asking more of him during this transitional phase and I'm thrilled to be able to reward him for his efforts.  Especially because in this case, the rewards are rarely about buying something or collecting more junk stuff.

I'm not ready to declare it a resounding success quite yet.  It's only been 10 days after all.  But we've made huge strides for sure.  I also think the timing was right. We are in the midst of lots of change right now.  Maybe in some ways that makes this adjustment a little easier for Jack.  Also, I have the time and patience to be extremely diligent about the processes right now.  And frankly, I think he is finally ready.  He just needed a little boost to prove it to himself.

So there you have it.  How monkeys got my kid to sleep in his own bed!

Why You Gotta Be So Mean?

I have a feeling if I took the time to browse the archives of The Elser 411 I would find entries related to our bedtime battles with Jackson dating back years.  In fact, I'm certain of it.  Yet here we are, just 2 months shy of his 4th birthday, and the battle continues.

In fact, this week, it reached epic proportions.

I'll gloss over the history, because I'm pretty sure I've shared it here before, but the gist is: Jackson wakes up sometime in the middle of the night and sneaks (quite literally, as we almost never hear him) into our bedroom where he sets up camp - I'm talking blanket, pillow, stuffed animal and cup of water - somewhere on the floor and proceeds to spend the rest of the night.  More often than not we wake up to find him in the doorway, beside the bed or at the foot of the bed.  Sound asleep.

We've gone around and around on this one. 

On the one hand, he seems to sleep fine that way.  And he doesn't wake us up - which means we're also sleeping fine.  If he's more comfortable being "by you guys" then what difference does it really make?  Eventually he'll realize his bed is a much more comfortable option and stay put, right? 

On the other hand, it drives us crazy.  We can't step out of bed without the fear of squishing our child.  And surely he would be more well-rested without these middle-of-the-night trips across the hall.  We're over it.  If for no other reason than it's time to break a bad habit.

And we've tried everything.

We started with positive reinforcement.  He would earn smiley faces on his chore board that resulted in a "special treat", trips to the golf course, stops at Daddy's shop on the way to school and even Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast.  It might work once or twice and then it's right back to sleeping on the floor.

Then we shifted to negative reinforcement.  A night spent outside of his room meant a toy was taken away.  We didn't mess around either - we went for the big guns.  Like Buzz Lightyear, the Darth Vader sword from Gram and a Spiderman Motorcycle.  He was always sad, but never sad enough to stay in bed more than once or twice in order to earn the toys back. 

In fact, very quickly it started to feel like Jack was manipulating us.  On occasion, he would lobby for a particular treat "if I stay in my bed tonight".  Or he would ask what toy was on the table should we find him in our room - presumably so he could decide whether or not the toy was worth giving up for a few days.  It was absolutely maddening. 

Short of locking him in his room at night (which neither of us are particularly prepared to do) we are stumped.

Then a friend suggested instead of just putting a toy out of reach for a while, we should actually throw it away.  In front of Jack.  To be rescued later by us of course, but perhaps this more permanent consequence (as far as Jack knew) would leave a bit more of an impression.

We decided to give it a try.  And, a bit regrettably, we went for the jugular.  Mickey Mouse.

Monday night we told Jackson if he didn't stay in his room, Mickey Mouse would be going in the trash can.  Jack is very aware that Tuesday is trash day at our house so he quickly realized that Mickey would not only be in the trash can, but at the landfill, should he not stay in his room.

It worked.

Drew & I were feeling pretty good about our victory and repeated the scenario on Tuesday night. 

Only this time it didn't work.

We woke up to find Jack asleep at the side of our bed.  And within seconds we both realized that we were going to have to "throw away" Mickey Mouse.  My heart absolutely sunk.  This was going to be ugly.  But there was no question that we had to follow through.  Empty threats do not fly in our house and there was no way we could go back on our word.

I grabbed a clean trash bag, Drew dropped Mickey in the bag and I told him he should probably put it in the back of his truck and drop it off at the landfill on his way to work.  For one, we now had a whole week until trash day and I knew Jack would just dump out every trash can in the house until he rescued the mouse or found a way out of this mess.  We needed to get this over with and fast.  Also, it gave Drew an opportunity to stash Mickey somewhere safe.

Oh, it was absolutely brutal.  I'm talking major tears.  And not the "throwing a tantrum" tears, but the actual "my heart is broken" tears.  There was even a hand print on his bedroom window as he reached out calling for Mickey as Drew drove away with the trash bag visible in the bed of the truck. 

I felt like the absolute meanest person in the world.  Drew texted me a couple of hours later and confirmed that he too was feeling terrible.

Fortunately, Jack recovered fairly quickly and by the time we got to school he was fine again.

I think I'm still a little scarred.

I took advantage of our 20 minute drive to school that morning and talked with Jack all the way there about why it is important for him to get a good night sleep in his own room.  We talked about taking care of your body and needing sleep to help process the day's activities and give your bones and muscles a chance to grow.  I also reiterated that if he ever wakes up in the night and needs something (potty, drink, covers, or even just a kiss) that he can always come and wake us up and we will be there for him.  I explained that he doesn't need to sneak into our room any more.  I think it was a good conversation.

At bedtime last night, we went through our usual routine and as I was turning out the lights and getting ready to snuggle with him for a bit Jack asked if we were going to take Pluto to the landfill this time.  I said no.  That, in fact, we weren't taking any toys away tonight.  But that he was going to stay in his room because it was the right thing to do.  I reminded him of our conversation on the way to school and told him to wake me up if he needed anything.

At 6:15 this morning, after Drew & I had pushed snooze on the alarm a time or two, Jackson tapped my shoulder and asked me if I would come in his room and lay with him.  He made it all night.  I told him it was morning already but that he could snuggle in our bed for a couple of minutes before it was time to shower and get ready for the day.  He beamed.

Who's to say what tonight will bring...or the next few days, weeks and months.  I have absolutely no doubt that we haven't fought the last of this battle.  And I have no idea what methods we'll employ next.  But I'm hoping and praying that little by little we can break this habit and perhaps one day soon Mickey can be resurrected.

For my sake as much as Jack's.  Because, let me tell you, in my whole life I've never felt so mean!

In our circle of friends bedtime seems to be something everyone has struggled with at some point.  What do you guys think?  Are we missing something obvious?  Were we too mean...or not mean enough?  Any methods that have worked for you?  I already told Drew if we ever get a chance to parent another child we're doing bedtime differently from day 1!

Home Alone

For the first time since Jackson was born, Drew & I spent last weekend at home - alone - while the little guy spent the weekend with his Gram. 

We've had overnight trips before (like when we went to DC and Palm Springs) but we've never stayed home sans kiddo.

It. Was. Fantastic.

I don't think it makes me less of a parent (at least I hope) by admitting that I loved every minute.  Of course, it didn't hurt that I knew he was having the time of life with his Gram all to himself.

Sure, it was great to have no schedule.  And as much as Jack cracks me up, I relished the silence for a change.  But what surprised me most was how much I was able to accomplish without a preschooler in tow.  I had forgotten what that was like.

Over the course of 2 days we:

• Went out to dinner in an actual restaurant.  And I wore a dress!
• Had cocktails downtown.
• I spent an entire day with my best friend (nice timing that Cortney happened to be in town).  We went to the farmer's market, visited several fabric stores, picked out 6 different shades of paint to test in various spots in the house, bought the supplies to make a cornice board and then built a cornice board.  All before dinner time. 
• Grilled steaks and drank beer on the patio.
• Cleaned the entire house.
• Hung a new light fixture.
• Finished painting the last section of cabinetry in the kitchen and put it all back together.
• Washed all of the bedding.
• Planned this week's menu and bought groceries.

We didn't watch a single cartoon, wipe a single butt, trip on a single toy or censor our language.

We did sleep extra late, take uninterrupted showers (who knew that would one day be a luxury!), say cuss words out loud and, well, other stuff that you do when your kid is out of the house.

Yeah.  It was fantastic.

By Sunday evening we were ready to reunite with the little guy.  Regardless of how much we enjoyed the break, it doesn't change the fact that everything feels slightly off kilter when we're missing a member of our little threesome.  We're just better together, I guess.  And the monster hug I got in the parking lot where we met up with Gram & Jack confirmed it.

Deb, we can't thank you enough for the opportunity for some grown up time.  I hope he behaved himself and the two of you made some good memories.  Jackson is still talking about "last day at Gram's house".

And talking...and talking...and talking...

Renewed

I've been in a rut lately.  Just going through the motions of the day to day when suddenly days, then weeks, then months have slipped by and I'm not really sure where they went.  Or, more importantly, what I've accomplished - other than the daily routine of work, school, dinner, dishes, family time, bath, bed, rinse & repeat.  Not in a bad way.  Just...status quo.  More days than not it feels like Drew & I are walking parallel paths instead of intersecting.  And that's not where I want to be.

Somehow, over the past week, things seemed to realign themselves.

I have two somewhat last-minute business trips coming up in the next month.  As much as I dread being away from the boys, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the alone time, too.  My best friend is coming home for a visit and I've missed her terribly.  But most importantly, Drew & I have finally scheduled some time just for us.

It started small and gradually got bigger.  A day off to play golf together, a few lunch dates, actually staying awake to have a conversation after Jackson finally turns in for the night.  Then, on a total whim, we looked at a new house south of town on 20 acres of land - which resulted in all sorts of conversations about our goals and plans for the future.  We decided not to buy it, but it was a fun exercise to go through nonetheless.  And it gets even better.  Thanks to Drew's Mom we will soon get an entire weekend to ourselves while Jackson spends some one-on-one time with his Gram.  Would you believe we have never had a weekend alone in our own house since Jack was born?  We've been kid free in Denver, Washington DC and Palm Springs, but never once at home.  On top of that, we decided to take a short vacation to Colorado and will be spending one night of our trip in the mountains while Jack stays in the city with his Nana & Papa.  How dreamy does this look:

And the fact that Jackson will get to spend quality time with his grandparents means I don't even feel guilty about taking the time just for us - something I often struggle with as a working mom.  In fact, I couldn't be more excited.

I guess the lesson I'm learning is that not only is it okay to take time for yourself and your relationship - it's important to.  It's of no fault of anyone, but despite the fact that I live with Drew and sleep beside him every night, I think I've missed him.  It didn't take much to get back on track, but it's enough to make me feel whole again. 

And that's a much better place to be.

He Writes

It's official.  My little boy can write his name.

It sort of makes me teary, but don't tell him that.

High five little man!

Order Restored

This weekend turned out as lovely as I hoped.

The best part was that we didn't have to do anything.  Yet we accomplished so much:  Farmer's Market; grocery store; every last bit of laundry; a fairly clean house; a stocked freezer courtesy of a batch of banana bread and strawberry muffins,; a Mexican fiesta to celebrate Cinco de Mayo; outside time; playing in the bean box (it's been ages since that made an appearance); practicing letters and shapes; watching movies (Lion King and Fox and the Hound); a chicken fried steak feast (so I could test out my new iron skillet); and Mad Men with the hubs to wind it all down.

As I expected, this productive couple of days and renewed sense of order has me clicking on all cylinders again.

And when mama's happy...everyone's happy!

So enough about me and my psyche.  For awhile at least.  Next week I'll be back with more of the real reason you visit The Elser 411:  Jackson!

Back on Track

It took me a long time to push the publish button on this one.  But here goes...

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like you're mediocre at a whole bunch of things but great at nothing? 

That was me yesterday.

The house is picked up, but far from clean.  We were fed, but it consisted of leftovers and cereal.  It happens from time to time, no big deal, but for some reason I was really bothered by it last night.

I slept on it and I think it's just the culmination of a stressful few weeks that has me a little off kilter.  Not to get all psychoanalytical, but I think I have a tendency to be so consumed with being everything for everybody...that I forget about me.

Drew ended up in the hospital a few weeks ago and has since had a myriad of tests to try to get to the bottom of things - and we're not done yet.  He's good now.  It's nothing serious and the scary stuff has been ruled out.  I put on a super brave face, but goddammit if I wasn't pretty freaked out when the nurse asked about living wills and the doctor mentioned blood transfusions.  And why is it that every time someone is sick, and you're not quite sure why, that damn cancer word keeps popping into your mind? 

Jack is the absolute light of my life but gosh darn if the kid doesn't wear me out.  He needs something every. single. minute.  He talks constantly.  And bedtime?  The success story from last week is already ancient history.  Little bugger played us like a fiddle.  He cashed in his reward and hasn't had a successful bedtime routine since.  We're right back to either falling asleep in bed with him and losing the entire evening or fighting with him until 10:00 when we all give up and crash.  I know this too shall pass, but sometime soon would be nice. 

And then there's me.  You guys already know about my fertility struggles and PCOS.  As a result, my hormones are unpredictable to say the least.  Strangely, birth control pills can be helpful in leveling things out.  However, after struggling so many years to have Jackson and knowing that we want more children, taking birth control is kind of counter-productive.  Instead, I just deal with the unpredictable (which usually means nonexistent) monthly cycles that are a textbook symptom of PCOS.  Until February when my body did a complete 180 and is now pretty much living in a constant state of "cycle".  Not cool.  And annoying.  To say the least.  So there's that.

And that, my friends, is why I've felt a bit out of sorts around here.  And now I've aired my dirty laundry for the inter webs to read.

Blogging is such a strange thing.  I started this blog to journal about my pregnancy.  I kept it going to record the milestones of my son's life and share them with our long-distance family and friends.  Somewhere along the way it became my own personal journal of sorts.  A place to dump my thoughts and clear my head.  Not to mention an amazing record of this time in our lives that I know I will cherish one day. 

The problem is, I'm not the only one who reads it.  And I'd be lying if I said that wasn't on my mind every time I write.  Which is why this post in particular was such an internal struggle for me.

I've tried hard not to make The Elser 411 just a superficial look at all that's wonderful in our lives.  After all, that wouldn't be reality.  But I'm also not as brave as some of my other favorite bloggers, like this one who doesn't hesitate to bash her in-laws or talk about sex.  I can't help but worry about the ramifications of my words.  Will Drew misunderstand me if I mention feeling under appreciated?  Maybe he'd prefer I kept his medical information private.  Do my frustrations with our three-year-old make me sound ungrateful?  If I write about being stressed out will my Mom worry unnecessarily?  Despite how much it's been on my mind lately, will I ever be brave enough to actually write about our sex life?  And oh my gawd I just told you about my period!  *GASP*

I apologize for over sharing.  But I have to say, I think writing this all down - putting it somewhere other than just in my head - is more therapeutic than I give it credit for.  I really do feel better.  And I'm looking forward to this weekend.  We have no plans which means I have 2 full days to get myself organized and create some order in my life.  It's no secret that I'm at my best when I have order! 

If nothing else, this exercise reminded me that I don't have to be everything to everybody all the time. 

Sometimes just being me is enough.

And sometimes a message from someone you love is all it takes to get back on track.

The Chore Board

There's a new addition to Jackson's room.  It hangs at his level right at the foot of his bed.

We call it:  The Chore Board.

It all started with bedtime - which has once again become a war of wills.  We have a very consistent bedtime routine which ends with stories and me laying down with Jack as he drifts off to sleep.  I've created this monster, I fully admit, as I've given in to his big blue eyes and pleas to "lay wiff me, mommy" since, well, forever.  And if I'm being honest, I do it for selfish reasons as well.  It's in those few minutes of bedtime cuddles each night that I can pretend he's still just a baby instead of the fast-paced, talkative, witty and rambunctious little boy that he is.  So I lay with him.  The problem is that when I leave, if he is not already asleep, he follows me out the door and so begins the sometimes hours long battle of getting him back to bed.  It's a lose-lose.  Jack wakes up tired and cranky the next morning.  Drew & I go to bed frustrated and annoyed after battling with a stubborn child all night and getting zero adult-only time to get things done or just have a conversation.

We've tried reasoning.  We've tried tough love.  We've tried threats.  We've tried bribery. 

Then I remembered the chore board.

My cousin Robin purchased the Melissa and Doug Responsibility Chart for her son while our family was vacationing at Lake Okoboji a couple of summers ago.  Jack was too young for one at the time, but I thought it was an awesome tool and made a mental note.  Just a few months later I happened across one on super sale at TJ Maxx, bought it and stashed it away in the closet. 

Drew & I decided this was a perfect opportunity to try it out.  The plan:  use positive reinforcement for having a successful bedtime (Jack gets to put a smiley face on the board - yay!) followed by a reward for reaching a predefined goal (if he earns a specific number of faces he gets a special treat - yay!).

We let Jack pick out a spot in his room for it and made a big deal about hanging up his chore board.  As we were putting it together, we realized that many of the "chores" were things Jackson is already doing so we added them too. 

Rather than being about bedtime only, it gave him a chance to earn some smiley faces for doing other tasks.  More smiley faces = more positive reinforcement.  Good plan, right?

Guess what?  It worked!

Sort of.

He LOVES putting smiley faces on the board.  He even asks to feed Ruby and take out the trash so that he can earn a smiley face.  Unfortunately, the row that represented going to bed and staying in his room all night - you know, the entire reason we started the chore board -  looked like this:

We strategically set the target number (which would earn Jack a "special treat") so that at least one bedtime smiley face would be required.  During week 1 of this little experiment he didn't have enough.

We just finished week 2 and I'm happy to say, he did it!  He started slow in the bedtime category, but finished strong on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  Victory!!

Of course, we made good on our promise.  This time, his reward was a trip to Target where he could pick out any toy in the entire store.  Thankfully, he's too young to truly appreciate the freedom he had!  He didn't go for a new bike or a flat screen TV.  He chose this:

The jury is still out as to whether the success will continue.  And we definitely need to make some adjustments along the way - for example, he is certainly not going to have free reign of Target every single week should he meet his goal.  But we wanted the first "victory" to be a memorable one and hope to carry the momentum forward.

So that's the story of Jackson's special treat that I eluded to in Sunday's post.  How about you:  any other bedtime struggles with preschool-aged children or tricks of the trade for getting positive results?  We're sure crossing our fingers for continued success.

Back

I'm back from 12 days on the road.  12 days of eating out. 12 days of sleeping in hotels. 12 days of working insane hours.

Boy is it good to be home.  But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a pretty remarkable 12 days.  Of course, it doesn't hurt that I spent the majority of those 12 days here:

LaQuinta Resort & Club

Seriously.  That's the driveway to our hotel (or should I say, Paradise).

So here's the skinny.  I spent 10 days in Palm Springs for the GCSAA National Championship & Golf Classic.  The event I am in charge of.  The event I spend a whole year working on.  From there, I went to Las Vegas for the GCSAA Education Conference & Golf Industry Show to give my colleagues a hand during our association's biggest and most important event of the year.  This 10-day stretch is a big deal for my company.  It sets the stage, both financially and philosophically, for the entire year.  We work our tails off.

What made this year different is that I squeezed in a little fun, too.  Drew joined me in Palm Springs on the front end of my trip (before things got too insanely busy) for a few days of golf in the desert and some grown up time sans Jack.  It was dreamy.

It also explains the lack of blog activity since the first of the year.  Not only was I buried in work, but I was also busy preparing my house and my three-year-old for 12 days without Mommy and 5 days without Daddy. 

It would be silly (not to mention time consuming) to go over every detail of the days leading up to the trip and the trip itself but I can certainly reflect on the highlights now that I've had a chance to settle back into a somewhat normal routine.

So, in no particular order, here are some thoughts post Tournament/Conference/GIS 2012:

• I have the greatest mom ever.  She spent 5 days alone with Jack while Drew was in California with me.  Not only did they have a fabulous time, but I didn't worry about them a bit.  Seriously, not once.  In fact, I think this little break from his parents and some special 1 on 1 time with his Nana was as good for Jack as it was for us.  I can't tell you how fabulous it was to be able to truly relax and not have to worry a minute about how things were going at home.  Thanks for that, Mom.  (And thanks for deep cleaning my house, too!)
• Face Time rocks.  This was the first year that Drew, Mom & I all three had iPhones so we could face time through the entire trip.  It sure did make it easier to be thousands of miles away from my little man when I could see his face every day.  And I think it eased his mind a time or two as well.
• I don't go to the spa nearly enough.  While Drew played golf on some of the most stunning golf courses in the country, I treated myself to some pampering in the spa.  Magical.
• While it's a hell of a lot of work, it is hands down the most rewarding week of the year professionally.  It is a fabulous feeling to see a whole year's worth of work come together before your eyes.  It is equally empowering and humbling to be on the receiving end of the accolades from our members and sponsors.  And I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty damn cool to be a "VIP" for the week as the host city, golf courses and hotel roll out the red carpet for you.
• Eating out is a welcomed luxury at home, but after 12 days of hotel food and restaurants a pb&j sandwich or bowl of cereal never sounded so good.
• I am madly in love with my husband.  Without a doubt, this was the best trip we have taken since our honeymoon just over 10 years ago.  Of course, the golf and spa days were phenomenal, but mostly I just loved having him there.  I loved that he was finally able to experience first hand the part of my job that I work so hard on.  I loved that he met many of my colleagues that I talk about so often and travel with regularly - and even made some new friends/golfing buddies in the process.  Most of all, I loved the alone time from date night at Ruth's Chris to lounging in the hot tub.  It reminded me that even though we're in parenting mode right now, and cherish every minute of it, we are more than just Jack's Mom & Dad.  It felt good to be Heidi & Drew for a few days. 
• No matter how fabulous a trip is, the best part is always coming home.  I made it home in time to pick Jackson up from school.  He greeted me with a full sprint and a bear hug.  I'm not sure which of us was squeezing harder.  Then he whispered in my ear, "Mom, I'm so glad to see you."  I have no idea how I managed to keep the tears at bay.

So there you have it. 

Here's to being back.  Back to colder weather without blooming flowers and mountain views.  Back to cooking, washing dishes, grocery shopping, house cleaning, paying bills and running errands.  Back to blogging.  Back to cartoons, baths, bedtime stories, puzzles and all things Toy Story.  Back to reality. 

Back home.

Turns out Dorothy was right.  There's no place like home.

A Teaching Moment

Jackson is in a Toy Story phase these days.  He received Buzz Lightyear for his birthday and Woody for Christmas and owns all 3 of the movies, which we have watched approximately 1,349 times.  I shouldn't have been surprised when shortly after Christmas (and the seemingly never-ending supply of gifts that the entire month brings when you're a December baby) he began requesting the addition of Jessie & Bullseye to his collection. 

I was conflicted.

On the one hand, he certainly didn't need more stuff. And I certainly didn't want to send the message that you get everything you want.

On the other hand, he had birthday money from his great-grandparents.  If his birthday was any other time of the year, I wouldn't have hesitated to allow him to spend it on a special toy from his Nana & Papa Diers.

I decided to sit on it and see what happened.  If he forgot about it in a few days then the problem solved itself.  If not, then we'd cross that bridge later.

Well, he didn't forget.  In fact, he asked about it every single day for at least a week.  And we laughed every time as he referred to Bullseye as "Booze Eye".

In my perfect world I wanted this to be a teaching moment about saving and spending money.  I wanted him to understand that you have to work for the things you want.  That he could spend his money on a new toy, but that meant it wouldn't be there in the future for other things he may want.  I wanted him to go through the motions of handing his money to a cashier and getting change.

Then I remembered he's barely three.  And probably wouldn't understand any of it.

I also discovered that the combo of Jessie & Bullseye was nowhere to be found in stores so I would be ordering it online.  Meaning the whole teaching moment of paying the chashier was impossible anyway.  Even if I made him pay for it, he would essentially just be reimbursing me.

It seems silly now, but I seriously labored over this decision.  I don't want Jack to be spoiled and fear we are already heading down that path, however unintentional it may be.  Yet requiring my three-year old to give me $40 for a toy doesn't exactly feel right either.

In the end, we ordered Jessie & Bullseye.  And oh my gosh he loves them.  He asked to check the mailbox every day in anticipation of their arrival.  His Toy Story gang is easily his most played with toy these days.

I did make him pay for it.  Or, I went through the motions of having him pull $20 out of his piggy bank in exchange for Jessie & Bullseye. 

I then explained the difference between spending and saving money.  Who knows how much of this little lesson he actually comprehended, but I felt better for at least trying.

Oh, and as far as the $20 bill...

I snuck it back in his piggy bank when he wasn't looking.

Three

Dear Jackson,

You are three today! 

I'm still having a hard time figuring out where the time has gone.  Though in my heart you will always be my baby, there is no baby left in you.  You are a boy now.

You talk up a storm.  In fact, sometimes it's hard for Daddy & I to get a word in.  You are without a doubt the funniest person I know.  You're so independent.  You like to choose your own outfit (your cowboy boots & cowboy hat - or any hat for that matter - are your current favorites) and dress yourself.  You help take care of your "best friend" Ruby by feeding her and letting her outside.  You are a good listener and whenever Daddy or I have to start counting we rarely get all the way to 3.  You don't miss a thing.  I'm amazed every day at the conversations you remember and the behaviors you mimic.

Sports are still your favorite thing.  You love to play football in the yard with Daddy or shoot hoops in the basement.  Music is a close second.  You're a die hard country fan and are always pretending to play guitar or tapping your feet to a song.  You also like to help me cook and bake (although, most of the time it's so you can sneak bites and lick the beaters...I'm on to you!)  You're starting to enjoy watching movies and remain a faithful fan of Mickey Mouse.

You are your Daddy's son.  If I had a dollar for every time you said, "Just like Dad!" your college would be paid for.  (Note from Daddy:  Will you please give him a week or so notice when you decide he is no longer the coolest guy you know.  That day will come and he'll need some time to prepare.) 

Since the day you arrived I've thought to myself, "it doesn't get any better than this".  But every day it does.  You are my motivation, my inspiration, an endless source of entertainment and my greatest gift.  I can't wait to see what you have in store for us next!

Happy Third Birthday, Monkey.

Love,

Mommy

Treading Water

I've got lots to write about.

An absolutely fabulous Thanksgiving in Denver.
A myriad of holiday activities coming up.
Jackson's third birthday.  OMG.  My baby is THREE.
Bedtime.

But my work schedule is beyond insane right now.  And by the time we get home from work, eat and clean up dinner, play for a bit, bathe the child and go through the bedtime routine battle I just don't have much gas left in my tank.

I read this post today about working moms from one of my favorite blogs, MOM-101, and it couldn't have been more timely.  In Liz's words, "It’s just like you’re all always reminding me; it’s not what I’m doing when I’m not home, its what I’m doing when I am. Kids don’t remember the hole, they remember the donut." 

Thanks for that, Liz.

So I will surge ahead, make as many check marks on the to-do list as I can, try not to sweat the small stuff, and most importantly enjoy every minute I have at home with my favorite boys in the whole world.

I just might not blog about it on a very timely basis.

Thankful

It's Thanksgiving season.  Naturally, this time of year gives us pause to think about all of the blessings in our lives and the many, many reasons we have to be thankful.  It's certainly been on my mind.  Of course my family, our health, our home and our jobs are high on my "I'm Thankful For" list.  Today; however, I'm thankful for something a little less significant.

I'm thankful for lunch dates with my hubby.

We got into this routine a month or so ago.  Once a week we meet for lunch.  Nowhere fancy - in fact, usually here.  Because it's not about the food.  It's about an uninterrupted 30 minutes - 1 hour together.  We can get in sync with our schedules, plans and activities for the coming days.  We can talk about anything we want - or nothing at all - without having to do so over the chatter of our almost three-year-old (though, I will concede that almost three-year-old is often a topic of our conversations).  There's no multi-tasking involved.  We have each other's full attention.  We can just be Heidi & Drew.

Without fail, it ends up being my favorite day of the week.

And I'm thankful for that.

Published

I've finally finished something I've been meaning to do for over two years now.

The Elser 411 is in print.

Well, 2 years of it anyway.

You see, despite being uber-organized (or so I thought), my priorities have changed a bit since entering motherhood.  My hours at home with my family are precious and few.  Projects that, once upon a time, I would have devoured now take a back seat to more important matters - like building towers, baking cookies, coloring pictures and going to the park.  Oh yeah, and keeping my family fed and clothed and my house clean presentable.  Well, it's time for me to come clean.

Jack doesn't have a baby book.

Actually, he has one.  It's a really nice one.  That I love.  But it's blank.  (*Gasp!*)

Instead, I have this blog.  Every milestone, trial and tribulation of my pregnancy and Jack's life are documented here on The Elser 411.  Safely recorded for future reference or trips down memory lane.  Unless blogger.com goes defunct or ends up compromised by some crazy hacker at which time all of my precious memories are lost forever in cyberspace.  Yep.  These types of thoughts actually keep me awake at night.

Enter Blurb.

I first learned about Blurb from my BFF, Cortney.  Much like Snapfish, Shutterfly, SmileBooks and many other companies like them, Blurb is an online application for making photo books.  What makes Blurb special is that in addition to photos, it can transfer your entire blog to a printable book.  A beautiful, shiny, bound book to display on your coffee table or tuck away on a bookshelf safe from the perils of cyberspace.  Literally, with the click of a button.

For The Elser 411, I decided to make one book for each year.  Seemed like a logical break and with Jackson's December birthday it comes really close to mirroring his years of life.  I spent about 4 hours on each book customizing layouts and editing pictures, so it can definitely be on the time consuming side.  The final result; however, is so worth it.

I adore them.  And while I already have some different layout ideas in mind for the 2010 installment, I couldn't be happier with the final product.  Not to mention a bit relieved that Jackson's first bath, tooth, goose egg, and haircut are safely documented somewhere other than the inter webs.

So, while not for sale, The Elser 411 is officially published.  And I can rest a bit easier. 

Now maybe one of these days I'll get around to filling in Jack's baby book.

Disclaimer:  This is not an advertisement for blurb.com.  The folks at blurb have no idea who I am.  I just think it's a really cool product and wanted to share it with you. 

Poop, Penis & Underpants

How's that for an attention grabbing title!

We've had a few milestone noteworthy hilarious incidents with our little guy the last few days.  Incidents worthy of documenting for the record book.

Enjoy.

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The whole potty training thing has been a rather slow process with Jack.  He's been peeing in the potty for months - when we prompt him.  Rarely though does he initiate needing to go so we're still in pull-ups and he still wets them.  He had yet to poop in the potty.  Until this weekend.

I happened to catch him in the act and swooped him off to the bathroom where we made it just in time.  Drew was home as well and we made a huge hoop and hollering deal about it.  Woo Hoo!  You pooped in the potty!  High five!  What a big boy!  Yay poop!  (Ahhh parenting.  You find yourself doing ridiculous things at times, don't you?)  At any rate, Jack was very proud of himself.

The next day a similar scene played out, only this time Drew wasn't home.  While still sitting on the potty and reveling in his accomplishment, Jackson looked up at me with wide eyes and practically shouted, "CALL DAD!  HE'S GOING TO BE SOOOO HAPPY!"

And what parent wouldn't be?

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A couple of nights ago Jackson was taking a bath.  He doesn't need nearly as much assistance in the tub now; so, while I stay in the room with him, I'm usually fiddling with my iphone multi-tasking. 

On this particular occasion, I heard him say, "Mom, my penis hurts."

I looked up to find that it was, shall we say, standing at attention. 

Drew was just around the corner, so I flagged him down and he arrived in the bathroom just in time to hear Jackson say, "Look!  It popped out!"

Drew's reply?  "Yeah, don't worry buddy, that happens sometimes."

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On Monday, Jackson moved up to the Two's #2 room.  As expected, he had a total meltdown at drop off and cried for "his class".  I was anxious to pick him up that afternoon and see how the day went.  Turns out he had a fabulous day (and has every day since).  In fact, instead of his usual routine of running to me for a big bear hug upon my arrival, Jackson took his time walking over and greeted me with, "Mom, we need to bring in some underwear."

Hi Jack, nice to see you too.

At any rate, 2 of the boys in his new classroom are potty trained and wear underpants.  Jack was quite curious about it and was eager to wear underpants too.  Even though he's not quite there yet, his teacher & I thought it would be a good idea to capitalize on this new curiosity.  Maybe in this case a little peer pressure will be just what he needs to get over the potty training hump.

So we made special plans to hit Target after school yesterday and pick out underpants.

I expected the super hero undies, but little did I know the boys underwear aisle is like an explosion of cartoon characters from past and present.  Star Wars, Superman, Batman, Thomas the Train, Cars, Spongebob, Finneas & Ferb, Toy Story - you name it, they have it.  Jack must have changed his mind 15 times.  Believe it or not, in the end he liked the plain old Fruit of the Looms best - because there were camouflage undies in the pack.  Unfortunately, they didn't come small enough so we came home with this set instead:

If it's possible for underwear to be adorable, these are absolutely adorable!

We haven't tried them yet, but this morning he woke up at 5:00 am very upset because his pull up leaked and his jammies were wet.  I thought it was a good sign that he was uncomfortable with the sensation of wet pants.  Here's to hoping the transition to underwear is an easy one!

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And that concludes today's storytelling.  I'll try to keep it PG around here.  No more poop and penis stories I hope.  At least for a little while.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Lately, even on the days that aren't as busy, we're so busy catching up from being busy that we're actually busy anyway.  How's that for busy?

I can't believe it's the middle of June already.  In the last month, I traveled to Iowa with Jack then San Diego on business.  As a family, we celebrated the high school graduation of a dear friend, had a visit from Gram, went strawberry picking, did some furniture rearranging and enjoyed a BBQ with friends.  As of today, I'm on the other side of a huge meeting at work that I've spent the past few weeks preparing for (it went well, yay!) .  There were also doctor visits, vet appointments, hair cuts, swim days, pajama parties, tee times and a girl's night out to remember.  Somehow, amongst all of this, we managed to stay fed (while not always the most nutritiously), keep the flowers, herbs and tomatoes watered (they're flourishing!), clothes washed (thanks Drew), bills paid, dog alive and house clean livable.  Oh, and Father's Day is this weekend.

Whew.

Funny Jack story for you.

This morning, on the way to school/work, I was thinking about a million different things and completely missed our usual turn. Several blocks later, Jack piped up from the backseat, "Mommy? Where are you taking me?"

I'm not sure if he was more concerned about where we were headed or the fact that I completely spaced off the turn!

So yeah, we've been busy.  How about you?

Juggling

Sometimes it comes easily.  Without even realizing it you're able to keep all the balls in the air that being a working mom parent requires.  You go to work, you parent your child, you enjoy your spouse, you keep in touch with family and friends, you clean, cook, launder, chauffeur, budget and shop.  If you're really lucky you even find time to do things you love.  Like read, watch a favorite show, exercise, blog or entertain.

Most of the time that's how it works for me.

Mind you, it's not without effort.  I'm uber organized, have a fantastic partner in Drew and stick to a pretty rigid routine to make it all work.  And most of the time it does.

Then there are stretches that feel like an epic fail.

We've been busy lately.  I could go on and on about all the stuff we've been doing but none of it is all that monumental.  Just regular stuff that, as the song says, "sounds like life to me".  But it's thrown me off my game and suddenly I feel like the balls I can normally juggle somewhat effortlessly are falling down all around me.  The house is messy.  I haven't cooked a good meal in days.  I have dirty dry cleaning in my front seat that has been there for 2 weeks.  I have 2 pair of pants I've been meaning to take to the seamstress for hemming for over a month now.  Obviously, I've neglected the blog.  You get the drift.

Despite a to-do list a mile long, when I finally sit down around 8:30 pm after work, dinner, play time, bath time and bedtime I have only enough energy left to collapse on the sofa and watch mindless television.  I suppose it doesn't help that our normally fantastic sleeper has regressed and now makes 1-4 appearances in our room through the night.  In short, Mommy's tired!

It's times like these where I wish I could press a pause button.  I don't want to rush time - it goes fast enough the way it is.  I just want everything around me to freeze for a couple of hours while I catch up.  Or better yet, rest!

I'm pretty sure no such button exists.  So in the meantime, I'll just keep practicing my juggling skills and see if I can't get all these balls back in the air.

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In totally unrelated news, I chopped my hair this week.  Like, shorter than it's ever been...ever.  It was totally unplanned and I'm still not sure that it's my most favorite style of all time, but it's a fun summer cut and I'm learning to love it.

Pardon the poor quality iphone photo taken in the bathroom at my office!


So...what do you think?

A Mother's Day

He's been sneaking into our bed around 5 am lately.  As much as I've vowed not to let that become a regular occurrence, in my grogginess I let him.

At 6:30 I could hear their whispers.  "Do you remember what we need to do this morning?"  Silence.  "Umm..."  More Silence.  Then he remembered.  "Cards for Mommy!"

The lights came on and he was handing me an envelope.  Unable to contain his excitement he repeated, "Open It, Open It" as he tore the envelope open himself.

Mickey Mouse was on the card.  His favorite.  And when I opened it up Mickey burst into song.  The look on his face was priceless.  Eyes wide open, jaw dropped, a grin big enough to show his dimples.  As if the singing card was the most amazing thing he had ever seen.

He pointed at the scribbles on the page and said, "I drawed that fer you".

"I LOVE IT!"  I declared.

He leaned in so close I could smell his morning breath, threw his arms around my neck and said in my ear, "Happy Mudders Day, Mommy."

Oh, baby.  Happy doesn't even scratch the surface.

Laugh Out Loud

I just found myself sitting in my office, by myself, on a beautiful Friday afternoon laughing out loud as thoughts of Jackson popped into my head.

While riding in a shopping cart through Target recently:
Jack:  "My have a penis."
Me:  "Yes, Jack, you have a penis."
Jack:  "Daddy have a penis, too."
Me:  "Yes, Daddy has a penis, too."
Jack:  "Mommy no penis."
Me:  "You're right.  Mommy doesn't have a penis."
And that was the end of that conversation.

For the second time in about a month:
Jack: "My need haircut."  "Mommy call Roxanne?"
And so I did.

After school one day last week, Jack spotted a package in the backseat from The Children's Place.  I told him that I got him some new shirts for summer.  Upon examining one of the polos Jack replied, "Oh!  That's nice!"

While snuggling in bed one morning Jack leaned his face a mere inches from mine and said: "Mom.  Look at my eyebrows."  He then proceeded to raise and lower his eyebrows in a variety of contortions.

Or there was the night earlier this week when he discovered he could un-snap the crotch of his bibbers.  He then thrust his hips forward so his diaper peeked out and walked across the room saying "Look at my pants!  Look at my pants!"

While I admit many of these stories are "you had to be there" moments, they will get a chuckle out of me every single time a fleeting memory passes through my mind. 

Oh how that boy makes me laugh!

A Day in the Life

Now that spring has finally arrived, Jackson & I head straight outside when we get home from work/school.  We spend 30 minutes or so playing while we wait for Drew to get home.  Then, the boys keep at it while I get dinner ready.

One night this week I grabbed my camera.  I'm so glad I did.

No staged activities.  No posing.  No artistic editing. 

Kickball

Golfing

The little bugger can get a hold of it!

Little feet

Spotting an airplane

Sweet and patient Ruby.  Always close by.

Just a typical day in the life. 

And it's a good great life!