Working Mom

It's official. The honeymoon is over. I am now a working mom.

Thank goodness Nana Wags is staying at the house with Jackson these first few days. Not only does it make me feel SO much better about leaving him, but it also gives Drew & I a couple of "trial runs" for our new morning routine. We'll need them.

Jackson went to bed at 11:00 pm last night. Leaving me optimistic that we would only need to get up once in the overnight hours. Not so. He started out well, sleeping for a good 4 hour stretch until 3:00 am. But he woke up again at 4:30. I was able to go back to bed at 5:00 but it didn't help much since the alarm rang at 5:45. I pushed snooze.

At 6:00 Drew tended to an awake (again) Jackson while I got ready for work. Then we swapped and he jumped in the shower while I got Jack dressed and ready. As I moved him to our bedroom so I could make the bed (yes...I really am that anal) he puked on me. Quick wardrobe change required. I then fed Jackson while Drew walked Ruby and headed off to work (15 minutes late). I snuck in several extra cuddles and kisses before grabbing my 3 million bags (breast pump, crap for my office - including pictures of Jack, lunch, snacks, purse) and handing him off to Nana. I managed to get out of the house right on time, but had I needed to stop at daycare first (even though it's just a block away) I would have been late.

All in all a success. Tomorrow we'll do better.

Emotionally, I'm holding up quite well. Except for the total meltdown I had last night. I was rocking Jack to sleep and out of nowhere couldn't stop the tears. Not really tears of guilt, just tears of sadness. I already missed him so much and I hadn't even left yet! The though of not seeing him all day long was heartbreaking and impossible to imagine.

Today was much, much better. For one thing, there was no time to get emotional! For another thing, a part of me was excited to be going back to work. It felt a little like the first day of school when you're a kid. (A kid who likes school, that is.) And, as I said earlier, it was so comforting knowing Jack was just at home with his Nana who adores him.

Work went well. There's so much to do, the time really does go quickly. I had lots of visitors welcoming me back, a few well wishes via e-mail and facebook from my closest friends, and my boss took my team to lunch in honor of my return. There wasn't a moment of the day that Jack wasn't on my mind, but I think that is a reality for any parent no matter where you are.

I called home at 9:30 am. My cell phone died and I wanted to give Mom a different contact number should she need me. It had nothing to do with wanting to check on my little guy, really it didn't. :) As I should have guessed, Jack was having a lovely morning and just waking up from a nap in Nana's arms. Perfect. I called again at 2:30 to see what they were up to. Mom's reply, "We're having such a great day! He's been a perfect angel." Exactly what I wanted to hear.

I know I'll have my weak moments in the next several days or even weeks. Thursday will be difficult when I take him to Holly's for the first time. But I'll be fine. And Jack will be fine. Drew reminded me of that this morning. I sent him an e-mail to let him know I made it to work without having a nervous breakdown. He replied:

"I wasn't too late, don't worry about it. He'll be alright. It's part of growing up and in the end he'll be better for it. Have a good day. I love you."

And so it goes. My new reality as a working mom. So far so good.